Six

Six. Whole. Years.
Six years since I have heard her laugh.
Six years since I have heard her voice.
Six years since I actually felt Christmas at her house.

Mimi has been gone six years as of today. I miss her so much. I miss the smell of her perfume. I miss her smoker's cough. I miss the way that she would cry because she was laughing so hard. I miss her sitting in her chair. I miss her pretty fingernails. I really miss her voice. I miss her Christmas casserole. I miss the way my Pa used to be. I miss counting all of those Santa Claus' from her collection. I miss her.

She would have loved Jeremy, well, as much as a "tough and anti social" lady could have. She met him once or twice before she passed away, but she didn't get to know him. She would have loved Natalee. Even though things that are loud and happy sometimes irritate her, she would have had so much fun. She would have loved the new baby on the way. This baby (at this moment) would be her favorite because it doesn't make any noise yet!

You really would have just needed to know my grandma to be able to be laughing as hard as I am talking about her. She loved us all, with all her heart. I can write the above paragraph with tears of joy running down my cheeks because we would always joke about how Mimi hated people. We would joke about how kids drove her crazy. We would joke about how she didn't really like anything happy. We STILL joke about these things.

She is missed.

Krystole

Baby Bump

Today was our first doctor's appointment! Jeremy and Natalee both came. Thank goodness Jeremy has an awesome boss, there is no way I could have heard everything I was being told AND tried to entertain Natalee Grace! The appointment was nothing fancy, just a lot of information. The normal eat right, exercise, don't scoop the poop, no weird fish, circumcision if it's a boy talk. We have a due date...September 4th! My birthday is September 7th and Jeremy's birthday is September 13th. This will be the best birthday present yet! We are so excited to be a family of FOUR. Wow, what does that even mean?
I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Staying home with Natalee on some days can already be quite the challenge. Adding another little baby, a strong-willed toddler, and a growing children's boutique seems like a lot on a plate! I am happy to announce that I am ready for the challenge. I have always dreamed of being a mom. THAT was my ultimate career. I cannot wait to stay at home, from the beginning, with this baby. I for see lots of jammie days in our near future. I hope that I can be a great mom to two children. What a responsibility. I hope that Natalee and her new baby brother or sister will be the best of friends, just like my brother and I are. I hope that I can give them the individual attention they will both need. I hope that I can get Natalee potty trained before she is 15! I hope my head stays on my shoulders and I can still count to 5 through all of this.
I know that all of my hopes and dreams are not realistic, but I might as well shoot for them. Everyday is not going to be unicorns and rainbows....probably more cow manure and thunder...but I will still take that to have the title of "mom." There is no greater accomplishment.
I got a call from the doctor today, concerning my lab work. As you may know, I have hypothyroidism, which makes getting pregnant a lot more difficult. She was calling to see what dose of medicine I was currently on, and to see when I last got my blood work done. She also said she wanted a sonogram scheduled for the next time we meet, just to make sure everything looks good for the baby. She said people with hypothyroidism also run a higher risk of miscarriage, so we are going to take a look and make sure everything is on track. The "M" word....I am not a fan of this word at all. I know this is just Satan's way of trying to steal my joy and keep me scared. I know that God is faithful, and I know that He has seen us through one healthy pregnancy already. Please say a little prayer that everything will indeed look great, which I am sure it will. I would appreciate it.
On a positive note, I will get the little "bean" sonogram! Our first sonogram with Natalee was at 18 weeks and she looked like a little gummy bear, so it will be exciting to see a little bean hopping all over the screen.
Krystole

Play Dough

Today was Natalee's first time to play with play dough. She had a lot of fun with it, and I had lots of fun watching her explore with new things! She loved pulling it a part. She kept saying, "I broke it." She had me roll a daddy ball, a mommy ball, and a baby ball, which then turned in to Joseph, Mary and Baby Jesus. We rolled out a snake that she was hissing too. She didn't understand why we could only open one color at a time, but she was excited to pick the color that she wanted to play with. Here are a few pictures of her first play dough experience. I see a lot of this in our near future...

Krystole

Dress Up

So, Natalee's new favorite thing is to play dress up! It is SO funny to me to see what she puts on together. She is a princess everyday. I need to snap more pictures of her crazy attire, but I am usually too busy laughing to remember to pick up my camera...lame excuse for a photographer, I know. I love seeing her use her imagination. At the ripe ol' age of 2, it is already running wild. She goes to the grocery store, takes her babies on walks in the stroller, she "marks off she shopping list," she puts the her baby in the manger, she pretends to be Mary...and Baby Jesus for that matter, and she loves having tea parties. As I type this, she is playing with play dough for the very first time. She wanted me to make Joseph, Mary, Baby Jesus and a donkey. Lucky for me, 3 different sized balls did the trick, and the tub it came in is the manger, and the lid is the donkey. She loves the Christmas story, and I love that she does. I just love watching her grow.
All this talk of her dressing up, makes me think of what she will be when she grows up. A nurse, a teacher, a mother, a politician (Republican of course! LOL), a singer, a leader....so many possibilities. I see her becoming something great and amazing, of course, all mother's probably think the same of their children. I hope that whatever she becomes, that she can be proud of it and truly love her line of work. I hope that she is not driven on the amount of money she makes, or the amount of "toys" she has, or the size of her house, but on being content in her abilities that God has given her, making the most of every situation, and being happy with what God has blessed her with. Who knows, maybe that will be a big fancy house with a big fancy income, a mother who will need cared for one day can dream, right?

80's rock star...yes please!

Mirror Mirror on the wall....

All in all, she will ALWAYS be my little princess.
Krystole

Princess Hair

Natalee had her first haircut today! She did so well. I also got a much needed haircut, and I love it. I wasn't sure how they would cut Natalee's hair (I cut my husband's), so I wanted to take her in for her first cut, and now I will pick it up as needed. It was definitely nothing fancy, just evened it all up, but I just knew she would come out looking like she had a mullet or a bowl cut or something if I tried it first. I remembered to get a baggie so we could save her hair for her baby book. There wasn't really much that they took off, but it sure made a huge difference. When she was done, the stylist flipped it out. Natalee kept calling it her princess hair! Her hair is SO fine...just like mine. My hair has always been so thin, but there was a lot of it. Since my first pregnancy, my hair is way more thick. I can already tell that it is getting more thick and full with this one as well. I never thought I would have "full" hair....thank you pregnancy. Natalee is growing up. She is cute. I love her. That is it.

Krystole

Tribute

Madison Knebusch. Most of you never knew her. You didn't know she was 16. You didn't know her favorite color was pink.You didn't know she was battling cancer. You didn't know how amazing she was. WAS. On January 12, she WON her battle with cancer, and went to be with the Lord. The last sentence was taken from her obituary. I can't help but get goose bumps while reading that sentence. Even in her families lowest low, they still gave God the glory. 
http://amarillo.com/obituaries/2012-01-15/madison-knebusch#.TxNMlJYb-Mk.facebook

Madison was in the youth group at my church. I, as well, didn't really know her. I knew of her, through all the prayers our church said for her, through all the updates we received on her current situation, and through the new posts on her caring bridge website. I also found her on blogspot, just very recently, and added her. http://madisonsmission.blogspot.com/2011/10/again.html This is the link (hopefully I did it right). I would encourage you to go and read through some of her blogs.

At 16 years of age, Madison had been through more than most of will go through in a lifetime. At 16 years of age, Madison lived a life for God, no matters the circumstances. At 16 years of age, Madison was an inspiration to a wide group of people, all ages, all races, all religions.

Her memorial was held today. Over 500 pink balloons filled the sanctuary, tied up in bundles at the end of the pews. Her father, best friends, one of her siblings and her youth minister shared stories, sang songs, and read poems. The worship songs were picked by Madison. While singing, I took a moment to just soak it all in. You could really FEEL the presence of God in that room. People were smiling through their tears with hands raised high, still praising God. One of the songs had a verse in it that said, "I will rise up," as soon as this line was spoken, Madison's mom jumped out of her pew with her hands stretched out to her God. This was the greatest service I had ever been to. It truly was a celebration of the life she lived here on this earth. There was a slide show, from the beginning to the end of her beautiful life. By the end of the memorial, I felt like she was my best friend. Over 600 people attended, and when it was over, each person got one of those pink balloons and we went outside and released them (all 500) of them into the sky.

 I left that service broken hearted. Broken for her family, broken for her friends, broken for the day that the people stop coming over to their house, and they are left with one less. I also left that service feeling inspired. Inspired to reach people, inspired to step out of my comfort zone, inspired to lead a life like Madison. I can tell you for a fact that Madison did not die without purpose. The 600+ people that filled that room, the stories that have been shared after her passing, and the blogs and letters that have been written, the baptisms that have taken place; it all proves God has a purpose in every thing He does. Is this how we wanted it to end for Madison, no of course not. But if you are going to go at the age of 16, no one could have done it better. She had more strength and courage than I will ever have.

I am thankful that she is completely healed of any and all sickness. I am thankful that we will see her again one day. I am thankful that I have one more day on this earth to do the work of the Lord. Please keep the Knebusch family in your prayers. Even through the strength they have had, it is the prayers and the One who loves them, that will get them through this time.

I wish I would have known her better. What an amazing young woman of God. She is now worshipping at His feet, completely free and has been made whole.

Krystole

Wedding Photography

I have dabbled in enough wedding photography to know that it is not for me. It is stressful, it is long, it is never as organized as you think it will be, it is full of cranky people who just want to "get through the pictures" as fast as possible. Where is the beauty in all of that? I am proud to announce that I will no longer be doing wedding photography. I thought that I would love it. The dresses, the hair, the decorations, the smiles, the love, the kissing....perfect for a camera moment, right? I don't know if it is just the pregnancy hormones or what, but I was especially "over" the photos at my latest wedding. What I would really love to do is to come in at the end of weddings, take the bride, groom and wedding party outdoors, and have a 45 minute session somewhere in a field. THAT would be awesome. I just hate taking indoor photos! So much is lost with yucky lighting and no real nature. I have one more wedding that I have already committed to in April, but at least I have a pretty good break in between. Anyway, even through the craziness of this last wedding, I was able to pull them all outside and take some shots. THIS made the wedding worth it for me. After hours of frustration, unorganization, and heated moments, these 30 minutes in nature made me remember why I love photography so much. Here is a little sneak peak of a few of my favorites. If you want to see more, find me on facebook at KG Photography.

Awe, my happy place has returned. Photography is fun, but weddings are a challenge!
Krystole

Surprise

Today we found out we are pregnant with baby number two! What a GREAT way to start off the new year! My first appointment is on the 24th, but I am thinking this is going to be a September baby. We had a harder time getting pregnant with Natalee, the better part of a year, due to my hypothyroidism. The more "off" your numbers are the more sterile you become. Month after month went by, and still no baby. God saw us through that time, and reassured us our time would come. Patience has never been my strong point. God blessed us, and we found out we were expecting in May of 2009. Since we only have one baby to go off of, and since I still have hypothyroidism, we chose to not get back on to birth control. I have been off of birth control since the summer of 2008! We had faith that God would know the perfect time for us to become pregnant again. With all of this in mind, we decided to start trying again, assuming it would be much later in the year before we actually became pregnant. Our God is an awesome God! He decided to bless us right off the bat! What a surprise it was! With the last pregnancy it was month after month of disappointment, this time, I got to experience what it feels like to say, "I think it's time for another baby," and for it to happen just like that. I am so thrilled to have had this experience. I know that we have been able to connect with many other married couples who have had trouble becoming pregnant, and now we get to connect with many other married couples who are the so called, "fertile mertiles!" God has a humor doesn't He?
We couldn't wait to share the big news with our families, and of course, make it facebook official, so off to the planning and scheming we went!
After a day or two of debate, we had agreed on what we wanted to do. Thanks to my best friend, Mary, we got it done!

I had her meet us at an awesome brick wall, and she snapped the picture for us! I then went home and edited in the numbers and such on my program. I love the final product. We wrapped them up (one for my family, one for his) and had them open the framed picture. It took them only a second to realize what was going on, and everyone was crying in excitement. I think this was the perfect way to announce our new blessing!! We also wrapped the first outfit we bought 'the baby' (Natalee) last time. It is a little duck outfit, with a duck on the bootie. I loved that outfit, and Natalee wore it in the hospital. Now, our new bundle will also wear it! We are not finding out the sex (again), hence the gender neutral outfit! I can't wait to see if this baby will be a boy or a girl! SO excited!
I am so glad God has entrusted us to another child. It is the biggest and most rewarding responsibility. Thank you Lord for this blessing, we can't wait to meet him or her.
PS. This explains why Natalee's birthday party was SO exhausting!!
Krystole

Whoo's TWO?

First off, Happy New Year! So what if I am just now writing up this blog on the 15th of January! I am still going to post it as if I wrote it on New Years Day...so dream with me a little here. We kicked our new year off with a birthday party for our sweet Natalee Grace! She had a great time, and got some really great gifts! She LOVED opening her presents this year. She was very particular in that she wanted EVERY piece of tape AND paper off of the present before she would even give it a look. Perfectionist in the making. She had an owl themed party which fit her to a tee. She has been obsessed with owls for about 8 months now. I really believe she started the owl trend, but I could be wrong.
My mom and dad came over to Amarillo for the weekend and stayed in a hotel. My mom helped with the cupcakes and my dad helped me hang the streamers! I love throwing and hosting parties, it makes my heart happy....but man, I was exhausted!

We sent out cute "Look Whoo's turning TWO" invites. I loved how they turned out! I can't get a picture to upload, but if you have never made your own invites, DO! So quick and easy, well unless you are like me and analyze everything! They are usually cheaper than buying, and we had Natalee's picture on it, so it was also personalized. I recommend it!
She hammed it up the whole party. She LOVED when everyone sang her happy birthday. She had a smile on her face the entire time. She blew out the candle by herself, and then asked a million times, "where did the fire go, I wanna blow it again?" Never a dull moment with that kid. She cracks me up. You can thank me anytime now for bringing something that ridiculously cute into the world!

She loved her cupcake! So much so that she wouldn't stop eating and look at the camera to save her life. I can't say that I blame her, my mom makes a mean cupcake. We ended the party by playing with her favorite new toy, her dollhouse. I picked this up months ago for $15 at Once Upon a Child. That place makes me so happy. Since the party, we have played with the dollhouse many times. I knew she would love it. She always gets confused because the 'mommy' figurine is carrying around the babies' bottle, so she thinks that the mom is the baby because of that. I have tried convincing her otherwise, but she just tells me that that is not the baby! One day it will click, until then, I will go on believing that she is still the smartest kid on the planet.

Krystole